A SIMPLE TRICK THAT CAN RADICALLY CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE ON PEOPLE

Think of a person you secretly dislike.
There’s probably at least one person in your life that you’re less than excited about even if you hate to admit it.
If there isn’t, you’re either faking it, or you’ve reached nirvana and there’s no need for you to continue reading this article.

I’m not here to judge you so feel free to let it all out. In fact, the following exercise will be a lot more fun if you allow yourself to be completely honest about people you don’t like.

Okay, so back to that person you’re less than excited about. He or she can be anywhere on the scale from mildly annoying to the worst person ever.

1. First, ask yourself;

How does this person behave around me? What is he or she saying and doing (or not doing) that annoys me or upsets me? Try to come up with behavior that just doesn’t make sense. Behavior that tells you they must either be plain stupid, annoying or just mean.

2. Then, ask yourself;

What secret thoughts do I have about this person? I say secret because we’re often polite on the surface, faking a smile here and there and pretending everything is fine. But deep down we might have a secret wish to punch this person in the face.
So what secret thoughts do you have about this person that you would never say out loud to them?
The type of thought that if the other person knew what you were thinking you’d be mortified.

Here’s an example to help you get started:
It could be that you’re just so annoyed about...
her horrible accent...
the way she eats...
her stupid comments...
her laughter...
her need to always be right...
her being so patronizing...
her flirting with everyone...
her looks...
…and so on.

Drill down to every little detail. Be as honest, judgmental, and petty as you can. C’mon, I know you can do it! ;-)

It’s okay, it’s only an exercise and no one will ever know.

3. And now, over to the fun part;

Imagine for a moment that this person does know what you’re thinking about him/ her, and that he/ she can, in fact, read your mind! They just haven’t told you…

How would that change things?

If they knew the shocking truth about what you actually think about them, would their behavior make a little more sense?
I bet it would!

We think that what we call surface-behavior is responsible for 100% of our communication, but it’s not.
Surface-behavior is what you say and do but it has little to do with how you say it, and what you actually think but don’t say.

If you think someone is really ugly but you tell them they’re beautiful, you’re sending out signals in opposite directions. And believe it or not, people do pick up on this even if they smile and nod and say “Thank you”.

Most people are polite, but that doesn’t mean they’re stupid.

Even very small children and animals can detect when your honest thoughts don’t match up with your actions.

Have you ever had someone smile at you but it somehow just looks scary? Or maybe someone gave you a compliment but it came out in a way that made you feel really awkward and uncomfortable?
And I’m sure you can relate when someone says “It’s okay, I’m fine”, but the whole situation just screams NOT FINE?

This is exactly what happens when our thoughts and actions aren’t aligned.
And we are better than we think to pick up on it, although it might happen on a subconscious level.

So how can you use this to your advantage?

The next time someone upsets you, annoys you, or hurts you, ask yourself what your honest thoughts about them are. If they knew what you really think about them, would their behavior make more sense?

This level of honesty (with yourself) requires courage, but it can have a major impact on your relationships.

Once you realize that you might have contributed to their reactions by covering up unloving or hateful thoughts, it’s much easier to forgive them. After all, it takes at least two people to build a shitty relationship!

Forgiveness is a huge topic so we won’t go down that road right now, but just keep in mind that letting go of anger, resentment, and irritation through forgiveness is really just a way of setting yourself free. Forgiveness is actually a very selfish thing to do even if we grew up believing that it’s all about letting the other person, “the bad guy”, off the hook.

It isn’t.

Forgiveness is letting yourself off the hook first and foremost so that you’re no longer consumed by anger and resentment.

So what relationships have been troubling you lately? How do you think things may change for the better if you apply these principles? How would that change your perspective?

Lots of love,
Marita xx