Something really strange happens when we reach adulthood.
We don't laugh as much as we used to. The once so bright colors appear washed. Playfulness turns into worry. Every day is like an endless, predictable to-do list of chores.
"I should do this..., I must do that..., and I definitely shouldn't have eaten that cookie!"
We get tired by sitting still and have no energy left at the end of the day.
It makes you wonder how that 3-year old kan jump up and down for 2 hours straight without any signs of fatigue.
"If I could only have a tiny fraction of his energy then maybe I'd get through the day."
We feel silly when we have too much fun and laugh too loud. Or when we're caught crying in the bathroom.
"Oh come on, you're not a child. Pull yourself together and act like a grown-up."
We look in the mirror and see someone who's serious, rigid, and dull. And the frown lines!
"Who took the jam out of my donut? Where did it all go wrong?
Can I have another go at life, please, because this is not what I signed up for!"
Yup, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
You know what? You can definitely have another go at life. Bit first, let's go back to where it all went wrong.
Somewhere down the road to adulthood we stopped having fun and started feeling guilty instead.
Guilty about walking in the park and smelling the flowers instead of running to burn more calories.
Guilty about spending the entire evening reading a novel instead of folding clothes.
Guilty about wasting an entire evening talking to a good friend instead of working on your business plan.
Guilty about meditating, because after all, you should have finished that report tonight.
Guilty about doing things just for the fun of it.
Guilty about not doing something productive.
Guilty about doing something just because you wanted to.
This is exactly where it all went wrong.
Now think back to when you started feeling guilty about doing something just for fun.
How old were you?
I was 18. And it took me another 20 years to understand that doing something just for the fun of it is one of our biggest sources of inspiration, creativity, and energy.
You see, we've bought into a lie that makes us dull and miserable as adults;
"Having fun just for the fun of it is unproductive, and childish."
First of all, that's a lie. And second, 'childish' should be used as a compliment, not a criticism because we have a lot to learn from children.
I mean, just look at them! They're generally much happier than us. They have what seems to be an infinite supply of energy. They don't waste energy on suppressing their emotions, instead, they let it all out and quickly move on. They're highly creative, and they can be inspired by something as simple as a stick or a pebble. They are curious and question everything. They're in a constant state of flow.
We say it's because they don't understand life yet. I'd say that they understand perfectly what life is about. Joy. Happiness. Creation. Wonder. Curiosity. Being in a state of flow. Learning. Exploring. Falling down and getting back up. These tiny people are as alive as you can ever be.
As adults, we grow obsessed with systems, lists, rules, shoulds and should nots. We have rules for how we're supposed to behave, what we're supposed to express and suppress, and what we should be, do, and have.
We're obsessed with what's worthy and not worthy. If we can't demonstrate visible results, it's definitely not a worthy activity even if it's something we secretly enjoy doing.
These self-imposed rules are mental and emotional cages that we build for ourselves.
And as you may have already figured out, living in a cage isn't good for you.
It blocks the flow of creativity, energy, and joy. Everything becomes stagnant and rigid. Your motivation and inspiration wither away.
Your mind is no longer a fertile soil for new ideas and inspired action.
So what can you do? How can you come alive again?
STEP 1 - JOY IS THE ULTIMATE GOAL
First of all, accept the idea that every single thing you do, you do because of how you think it will make you feel. We want to feel good, so life is a dance between avoiding pain and moving towards pleasure.
Ask anyone to choose between joy and misery and the answer will be joy.
Once you've accepted the idea that joy is the ultimate goal and the driver behind your actions, you will be ready for step 2.
STEP 2 - GUILT OR JOY, YOU CHOOSE
Accept the idea that guilt is based on a belief that what you are doing is wrong or bad.
It has nothing to do with whether or not the action is wrong or bad, it's your interpretation of the action that makes you feel guilty.
As long as you allow yourself to feel guilty you will not experience real joy.
Guilt is like a fire blanket. Any spark of joy and inspiration will be put out by guilt.
Guilt is a choice. Choose joy over guilt today. After all, if joy is the ultimate goal behind all the other surface goals, you might as well take a shortcut straight to joy.
STEP 3 - SCHEDULE YOUR HAPPY HOUR
Now that you've decided that it's okay to do choose joy over guilt, it's time to find out what brings you joy.
To swim? Go for a walk? Do yoga? Have a coffee with a friend? Read a book? Dance? Paint? Listen to music and have a glass of wine? Meditate? Knit? Watch a movie? Dress up like a princess, or maybe Darth Vader?
Build lego with (or without) your kids? Write in your diary?
Now look at your favorite activities and schedule 15-60 minutes of daily joy. This is your happy hour.
If you can schedule more than 1 hour of daily joy, it's even better!
Yes, I said schedule because at this point you need to allow yourself to do this because you've trained your brain to feel guilty about it.
You must override that old pattern of guilt by actually doing the opposite and schedule a daily happy hour.
The funny thing is that the moment you make a conscious decision about doing something, your mind will go "Oh okay if I'm planning to do it, it must be good for me!"
If you give yourself permission to do something and then schedule it, you will trick your mind into believing that there's nothing to feel guilty about.
After all, we don't schedule things like overeating, getting too drunk, drinking and driving, or overspending our account limit.
These are spontaneous actions that are not scheduled, and then you end up feeling guilty about it because you weren't supposed to do that.
So according to your brain, what is scheduled must be good!
STEP 4 - WATCH YOURSELF COME ALIVE DOING WHAT YOU LOVE
Stick to your scheduled happy hour for at least 30 days and watch what happens.
Once you get over the initial discomfort of allowing yourself guilty pleasures, you will experience a boost in inspiration, motivation, and creativity.
Energy starts to flow when you allow yourself to have fun because joy is your power source.
When you do the things you love to do you live in the present moment.
When you lose yourself in the moment, you forget all about the regrets of the past and the worries about the future.
Welcome to the flow. This, my friend, is where miracles are born.
Lots of love,
Marita XX
Photo: Unsplash